5 Things I Didn’t Know Before I Became a Mama
Becoming a mother has been by far the most extraordinary experience of my lifetime… and I definitely mean extraordinary in every sense of the word.
Extraordinarily magical, extraordinarily difficult, extraordinarily vulnerable, extraordinarily awakening, but mostly extraordinarily perfect. It has given me endless opportunities to learn about myself and to grow into a higher version of who I am meant to be. My son just turned two years old, and I’ve realized how nostalgic I feel already. My baby has so quickly turned into a little boy. So, I spent some time reflecting on what I’ve learned in these last two years. here are just a few realizations…
Five things I didn’t know before I became a mama ... but I am acutely aware of now…
5. I didn’t know…I would need other women in a way that I never have before.
Being a mama activates it all. Vulnerability, inadequacy, fear, exhaustion, euphoria, surrender. every day brings a new opportunity to doubt yourself. Becoming a mother made me suddenly feel so hungry to hear the perspectives of other mamas. to be reassured that what I was feeling was a part of the process and that I was doing alright. There’s a reason that historically women were surrounded by a tribe of women after giving birth. The longing for that outside support is real and it feels inexplicably healing to connect with other mamas in this way.
4. I didn’t know… how vital it would be to do things that make you feel good:
*self-care *therapy *unfollow
I feel like I was a little naive about how challenging it would be to care for myself once I became a mom. But over time, I realized that self-care had a huge impact on my energy level, my mental health, and my experience of motherhood. I had to put some action steps in place…
I had to make time for physical activity. Even taking a little hike up a hill with my baby in the stroller would fill me with such a sense of accomplishment.
I had to check in with my therapist regularly to get an outside perspective on all the thoughts that came in – they could become overwhelming.
And lastly, I had to make the decision to unfollow accounts on social media that made me feel bad. You know it when you feel it. Instagram accounts that featured moms “bouncing back” days after giving birth made me feel incredibly defeated until I realized, there’s a solution for that. It’s called unfollow. I had to make it a practice to notice how the content I was consuming made me feel. Any messages that made me feel defeated instead of uplifted- the answer became clear... UNFOLLOW!
3. I didn’t know … that when you have a baby, your body goes through something extremely traumatic and will feel a bit out of whack ... for a while
I struggled quite a bit with my body image after I had my baby. I had always been extremely active, taught yoga for years and naively assumed that if I just did the things I’d always done, I would be back to feeling comfortable in my body in no time. Nope. I didn’t realize how unbelievably weak I would feel. The experience of being in a whole new body was humbling to say the least. But it also taught me so much about accepting where things are right now.
2. I didn’t know … that this experience really and truly does go faster than anything you’ve ever done before.
One moment your baby is on their belly shifting back and forth trying to get the momentum together to move - the next moment your toddler is looking at you with a sly smile as he digs his hands into something he knows he’s not supposed to be into. I’m told this pace continues, so it’s a good idea to put your phone down and be present for every second.
1. I didn’t know… that I would STAY terrified.
I had never felt this level of extreme vulnerability until I had a child. Being a parent means that your heart is literally moving around outside of your body. I’d heard it – but I couldn’t understand until I could feel it. Yup, the heart is exposed, and full and tender in all the best ways - and I can’t even remember what I cared about before this little human. And I will never stop feeling terrified that something could harm him. This is my new normal.
It feels important to honor the fact that every person’s experience of being a parent is different. What I’ve experienced in my first few years of motherhood may be vastly different from what another mom has felt. This just means that the process of becoming a mother is as rich and full and unique as this time itself. But I’ve seen that somehow, sharing these experiences with other moms feels like honoring our stories in a deeper way.
